Last week, I had a summer vacation in Big Sur, California, for my birthday. Swimming in the State Park creeks brought back cherished memories of jumping in clean, fresh water in Korea when I was young. Just like my childhood memory, I swam in the freshwater like a kid until I couldn’t do it possibly anymore. I laughed like a kid. I played like there was nothing else that existed in the world. The swimming hole was surrounded by trees and birds singing a song. How refreshing it was!
During this visit, I also immersed myself in the book Feel the Fear… and Do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers. This book was recommended for performance anxiety tips for my students and myself. The moment I read the title, I knew I would love the book already. On the surface, the book had nothing to do with music. However, in the end, this conversation about life was inevitably related to music-making and being vulnerable on a performance stage.
The book describes three levels of fears. Level 1 fears are divided into those that ‘happen,’ such as aging, becoming disabled, losing a loved one, illness, or natural disasters. The second are those requiring action, such as making decisions, changing a career, ending or beginning a relationship, etc.
Then there are the level 2 fears, which are not situation-oriented but involve the ego. Those are rejection, shame, failure, loss of image, disapproval, disappointment, etc. These have to do with inner states of mind rather than exterior situations. They reflect our sense of self and our ability to handle this world. If we fear rejection, this fear will affect almost every area of our lives. So we begin to protect ourselves and, as a result, greatly limit ourselves.
The level 3 fears get down to the nitty-gritty of the issue: the biggest fear of all. That is the fear of ‘I can’t handle it!’. Apparently, at the bottom of every one of our fears is simply the fear that we can’t handle whatever life may bring us.
Level 1 fear translates to level 3:
I can’t handle illness.
I can’t handle losing my money.
I can’t handle losing my partner.
I can’t handle getting old.
Or level 2 fear translates to level 3:
I can’t handle being rejected.
I can’t handle failure.
I can’t handle being humiliated.
The author says that the level 3 fear of ‘I can’t handle it!’ is the basis of all other fears.
She asks:
If you knew you could handle anything that came your way, what would you possibly have to fear?
NOTHING!
All you have to do to diminish your fear is to develop more trust in your ability to handle whatever comes your way!
The biggest takeaway from the book for me was this reminder: I can handle anything that comes my way. I trust that I will figure it out.
Whenever there is a big performance coming up, I always tell myself. All I have to do is to be in the present moment. I will let the music carry me.
Then, I also remind myself:
I can always pick myself up from whatever mistake it may occur. Mistakes on stage are not within my control. I can’t expect I will perform with every-note perfection. However, I can control how I handle it; I will get up and continue making music no matter what situation I might be in.
This mindset always has given me tremendous strength and relief to walk through the vulnerable performance stages.
I’ll be able to handle it.
There are four truths about fear the author shares:
Truth 1: The fear will never go away as long as I continue to grow.
Truth 2: The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.
Truth 3: The only way to feel better about myself is to go out… and do it.
Truth 4: Not only am I going to experience fear whenever I’m on unfamiliar territory, but so is everyone else.
Are you afraid of doing something? Do you feel hesitant to take that next step?
Welcome the fear.
Welcome to being human.
Let’s feel the fear…and do it anyway.
Have a wonderful week!
💕Jeeyoon
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